the solitude aspect

I have a friend who attempts new things boldly, with grace and daring. She steps into waves, onto bicycles, into new experiences with enviable courage.

In our university days, I watched her take her first tentative strokes into the rough waters of Georgian Bay, life-jacketed for flotation and loving it. She’s scuba diving now.

Me? I totter on the edges of experiences, palms sweating, heart pounding, throat dry. I wish I had her courage and half her poise. I manage bravado.

I push myself to new things. Fear is crippling; I force myself past it into new experience.

My brave friend and I both lived in Vancouver for a season, overlapping for a month or so in an idyllic green summer. I’d come to a place in my life where I needed some perspective. She, I suspect, was hoping for adventure. We went up a mountain in the rain. I stayed a few extra days, freezing in the cloud, hoping for perspective or at least clear skies. I didn’t get either, but I spent two nights alone with my fear of solitude, and in some ways conquered it.

Enough to do the same thing a heavy handful of years later.

It was raining again, but it was easier the second time.

There’s a lot of the solitude aspect to my work.

It’s good to be comfortable with that.

*** photographs from Garibaldi Provincial Park and Kamikochi
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4 Responses to the solitude aspect

  1. M says:

    Aw this is so nice. Jack showed it to me. Contrary to what you think, I think you’ve got the most bravado of the people I know, and I often think of you to keep my fear in check when it comes to the big picture. I’ve still got a long way to go.

    • camillaskye says:

      I’m glad you read it. I guess courage (how cliché) is about overcoming fears. It would be nice, though, to have fewer. I’m pretty proud to have even a small hand in your impressive feats.

      I was looking at those photos of you underwater and thinking how amazing you are again. I’m also totally jealous.

  2. Rhya says:

    wow! wow! wow!
    this post gave me shivers. i want to go to this park you speak of.

    • camillaskye says:

      Oh, shivers! I’m flattered.
      I’d be keen to go back, too… I don’t suppose you’re up for a trip there pre or post B&A wedding festivities?

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